No matter how many times this is reposted all over the internet, I still find this picture amusing.

I have been listening to this non-stop. On a separate note, meaning that what I am about to tell you is not why I listen to this, if you imagine the bass at certain points as someone having explosive diarrhea, you will get a hearty chortle (NOTE: this works for a lot of songs. A particularly funny one is Hello by Going Quantum). A story on explosive diarrhea:

Once I was sitting and eating with a group of friends when one made a comment about not wanting to eat what he had gotten for dinner. I looked at his plate and saw only vegetable and, being the carnivore that I am, I said

“well, why don’t you man up and get some meat.” There was a brief, but still painfully awkward, silence and my friend said.

“I’m vegetarian.” I asked why and he responded with. “My family just doesn’t work well with meat.” Before I tell you my response which you might have already guessed, let me tell you that I barely filter what comes out of my mouth. I looked him in the eye and responded with

“What do you get explosive diarrhea or something?” Wow.

Yesterday I found myself unable to post my funny facebook status. Frustrated, I tried everything I could think of. As none of the aforementioned things didn’t actually do anything other than take up my time, I have come up with an explanation that I believe, with all of my being, to be true. First of all, I do not have a timeline, so the most obvious explanation is that my Facebook profile is so sexy without the timeline that Facebook is afraid that if I post too many funny statuses there will be a revolt. Secondly, Facebook is jealous that I am funnier than it is. Thirdly, Facebook is still having a laugh attack from my last facebook status. Fourthly, Facebook is jealous because I personally am sexier than it could ever be. 

#YODSSO

You Only Do Stupid Stuff Once

This is what I show my mom when she takes out the Oxford comma in my writing. Stupid journalists

I recently realized the meaning to “I set fire to the rain.” You know when you’re so upset at something and you want to light it on fire? Well, she was walking and obviously had a scuffle with the rain and set it on fire. #Adeleproblems

I will begin with a statement and then an assumption. There IS a playboy mansion filled with sexy chickas good looking women. I am assuming that there is or could be a playGIRL mansion. If it were to exist, that would be where I want to go to chill with some sexy men. If that doesn’t work out so well, Korea… For the same reason

In the beginning, there was Helen, a glorious deity of all good. Though constantly satisfied by her life full of sexy men and glory, she felt there was something missing. There was a hole in her hear that could not be filled. She left behind her glory, sexy men, steak, and what not, and began the perilous journey to fill the void. Day and night she searched to no avail until one day, she came upon this here sight. Intrigued by all that it had to offer, she signed up and wrote this.

That story was relatively false, except for the deity and sexy men part. I came here because according to a lot of people I write some pretty hilarious Facebook statuses and one of my friends recommended that I create an account here. I can’t guarantee that I will be funny all of the time (I laugh at my jokes more than other people do), but I can be pretty gosh darn funny if I try hard enough. Well, I would write more, but the male strippers are calling. I think they’re having problems with the handcuffs. ;)